2015: The Best Is Yet To Come

New Years day brunch with my most favorite people. If you want to know more about my NYE, my bestie wrote a post about it here!

Happy 2015!

Admittedly, I wasn't looking forward to this new year at all. Although I have been making the most of my time, all I could picture in 2015 was this: 4 more chemo treatments, major surgery, up to 18 weeks of radiation... bringing me right up to November. While it seemed as if everyone was making new years resolutions, I just wanted to put my head down and power through the next 12 months.

I talked to a few of my friends and family about how I was feeling.. scared, lonely, and dreading the next year. I'm surrounded by some pretty awesome people, so it doesn't surprise me that I got some pretty awesome advice, too. I'm going to share some of their lovely words, because I don't think it applies just to me: it applies to everyone and anyone that may go through hardships in the new year. These people are wise!!

"All I'm going to say is that some dopes may give you "the look" that makes you uncomfortable, but there will be others who will be forever touched by who you are as you live this. No matter what you decide: wig, hat,  no hat, false eyebrows or not, the right people will see the beautiful Sam that we know. You can't help it. Is is just in you. I don't always expect you to always be strong and positive. I know your near future won't be easy but I want you to have many more great times then bad ones."

"This NYE, I feel like we were surrounded by the people that love us most. You were allowed to have a moment of "ugh 2015" but you have to know that I will totally cry with you, be a downer with you, and talk about what bullsh*t this is whenever you need it. But I'm also going to try and recognize when you need to be lifted up. You're so strong. This year is going to be just as fun and beautiful as it is hard. Maybe even more of the former" 

"Happy New Year, Sam! I hope this year brings you so much happiness but most of all, good health. I continue to pray for you and send positive vibes your way. " (I've received quite a few of these incredible messages of goodwill and positivity... when I'm feeling down, they have meant more then most of you know, so thank you, thank you, thank you.)

"I just want yo to know when this will be over, if you really want to... you'll be posting elephant pictures soon too! I know how rough it is, but the importance it to hold on to the tiny little things that make you happy. Trust me... one day you're gonna be like.. what? Did this all really happen? Our cancer journey is a life changing one. It's really up to us to make it a positive one. Lots of health and happiness, and may it be the year you scream 'I AM CANCER FREE!'" (disclosure: guess who wrote me this one?! My hero Nalie! I ordered some hats off of her blog and we've been corresponding since!)

With some serious reflection, I decided I was looking at this year all wrong. 2015 may be the year that I go through some of the most challenging moments I may see in this lifetime, but it is the year that I will (hopefully..no, definitely) be healthy again. When I close my eyes and picture November, I see myself with a cute blonde pixie haircut, back working at the job I love, celebrating my 25th birthday... dancing to Beyonce and surrounded by every single person that has supported me and helped me through this crazy journey. I picture myself so healthy that I'm glowing. Everything that I'm going to go through in 2015 will lead me up to that moment and I am so excited for that day to come. (I can't lie, I just cried even thinking about it)

  

If 2015 is made up of cozy hats and kitties, I could get down with that.

So, with one week left until my next chemo treatment, I'm just making the best of the days where I'm feeling good. Other then being a bit tired, I've had about a week and a half of feeling as close to normal as I'll come! This is what I'm into these days...

- Smoothies! I have a problem with not eating breakfast*. When Cara was in town, she taught me some cooking basics and we got to talking about how to add veggies and fruits to your day.  I know I'm a little late on the smoothie train, as everyone I've spoken to has said - duh, smoothies are the bomb. So most mornings I'm enjoying some peach/mango/almond milk/coconut yogurt action. Coconut yogurt is surprisingly super tart and delicious! I can't eat anything that could contain bacteria (sushi, smoked salmon, yogurt....cue heartbreak) so I was happy to have this alternative. I haven't been brave enough to put anything green anywhere near my smoothies yet though. If you have any tried and true recipes, I would love to have them!

*being too lazy to make breakfast

 

 My "morning" smoothie (I woke up at 1:45PM...)

- Podcasts! I mentioned in earlier posts that getting cancer made me really, really anxious. In the beginning, I couldn't focus on reading or even watching TV or movies. My days felt so long that it became torturous. When I found Serial, I listened to all 12 hours in one day. When I was younger, I used to have my mom read to me. I can remember listening to her read me the first Harry Potter and being entranced. So, it's no surprise that I quickly became a huge fan of podcasts. Since Serial, I took note from my bestie and started listening to StartUp (click to learn more/download). It's the BEST. It details a radio journalist turned entrepreneur as he builds his podcast company from the ground up. It's hilarious (choosing a name for his company had me laughing till my gut hurt), heart wrenching at times (he cried when reading The Giving Tree to his son), and so... real. I love Alex Blumberg's podcast "style" - honest and transparent - and look forward to listening to his company's newest show, Reply All, about how the Internet has shaped people.

- Headbands! The thing I hate most about having no hair, is that I actually used to really love styling hair! I enjoyed waking up at ungodly hours to get ready in the morning. My showers now last less then one Justin Timberlake song, and with a wig or a hat I can be out the door in 15 minutes. That's awesome and all, but I've been missing all of my favorite hair accessories! My headband collection is absolutely massive (I used to work at 5:30AM in my pre-cancerous life...headbands were the most convenient for unwashed hair) and today I found out they look pretty retro when paired with my wig!

 

- Weddings! My aforementioned best friends wedding to be specific. Somehow, my being off for a year has turned into a MOH dream come true. So much time for DIY acivities. I can't share too many details (or even my secret wedding Pinterest boards), but we are so excited and amped up to be planning the most whimsical and beautiful wedding anyone will ever see. I am not even joking. Down to every last detail, this vintage meets glam barn wedding is one everyone will be re-pinning!

 

Sorry..no peeking until July 25th 2015!

- Reading. Sometimes all it takes is one book to get you back in the game. I thought once I started working for Chapters I would read more, but I actually ended up reading... less. Much less. Funny how that goes! Now that I've had some time to adjust, Jeff and I have settled into a cozy winter routine: something yummy for dinner, an episode of whatever our favorite show of the moment is, and then I read until all hours of the night. Because, as Jeff's mom put it for me: "it's not like you have to wake up in the morning". And since I have a hard time sleeping... why not?  I am over halfway done Unbroken (click for the trailer..I hate to see movies before I've read the books!), and all I can say is.. Wow. What a story. I haven't read anything like this in years, if ever. Highly recommend.

Cozy nights in. Shameless plug for Indigo and how much I love all of their mugs (when you walk into my apartment you may be confused and think you walked into Chapters...)

So that's it! The rest of the week, I'm hoping to cram in some baby snuggling, craft making, bridesmaid dress shopping, sister-seeing, hot chocolate drinking (CACAO-70!), lunch dates, and sign-making (a bridal shower for a very special friend next weekend!). Maybe somewhere in there I'll vacuum and Jeff will change the cat litter. Maybe.

Pyjama party NYE celebration 

When I did make New years resolutions, I found it helpful to share them. It always used to keep me on track! I don't have very many this year other then "get healthy", and instead want to develop a routine to make my days feel productive. I think my ideal day will look like this:

Wake up and answer all of my e-mails and messages (this is the closest I'll ever feel to being a celebrity! Ha. But seriously, answering my messages is by far the brightest part of my day), try to do one project a day that will teach me something new (whether it be cooking something new for dinner, doing a new craft or DIY for my home, add to my scrapbook, or just watch a cool documentary on Netflix), nap, read, have dinner with jeff (or spend some time with friends or my family).

If you told me this would be what my life would look like 3 months ago, I would have called you crazy. Things can change in an instant!

If you want to share your New Years resolutions with me (or smoothie recipes!), I'd be so happy to hear from you. Or, if you just feel like chatting, you can e-mail me here.

Until next time!!

xx, Sam