Montreal, bestie tattoos, post craniotomy pictures, birthday, engagement parties, Nordik, libraries and the theatre. A few of my favourite things (minus the craniotomy...)
I went to Montreal and had a great time. My sister came for the show, I was on the end so I could lean on the side of the chair for balance (!), we went to visit my Nanny plus my Aunt and I got to spend time together.
I had my craniotomy on that Tuesday in November. We got to the hospital very early and my parents, Jeff’s Mom and Jeff were there to see me off. I don’t remember being too nervous. I was grateful it was in a good spot to take it out, and Dr Sinclair said he blocked off his whole day for me.
The procedure took a good 8+ hours. My family was going stir crazy and wanted to see me. When I woke up in recovery it was night time but I was on so many drugs I don’t remember a thing. Everyone went home to sleep. I woke up at about 5AM and there were residents everywhere. They put on the lights and ripped my curtain open. They asked me how I was feeling. I could see a bunch of them laugh and eat breakfast behind the one that was talking to me. . He saw someone brought me Quality Street chocolates and said “Hey! Those are my grandma’s favorite!!” . Another resident asked what I did for work.
I cried at that point because I felt disrespected, like they didn’t understand the gravity of what I just went through. The residents were eating breakfast, laughing - and I could barely process the last 24 hours.
Jeff and my mom stayed with me while I was in recovery because they didn’t have a room for me. My nurses and porters were amazing. They took care of my every need so quickly. One nurse showed me her crochet, which I said I loved, and on my bed before I was discharged there the crochet mouse was. The porter knew the hospital food wasn’t edible (understatement of the century) and offered me half of his club sandwich.
On night three they finalled moved me to my semi-private room. I was really excited to have some privacy. We walk off the elevator and immediately hear someone yell at the top of their lungs “CODE BLUE! THIS IS A CODE BLUE SITUATION!!”. We see the guy yelling be taken down by an officer and that’s when we realized where I was healing was ALSO the place they kept people before they went to the Royal Ottawa. He asked about his scheduled appointments often and someone had to stay outside his room at all times.
I had tons of visitors bearing My Favourite Murder gear (it’s a podcast look it up!!), hot Cheetos, Archie comics and even Wy as a cotton candy for Halloween taped to a container of cotton candy (let that process!). I am super lucky.
I felt like my head was so big. I genuinely thought it was twice it’s size until I asked Jeff and he said it was pretty normal. The drugs kept me from being in pain. It was such an easy operation, all considered pain-wise. I woke up to no more mobility in my right hand and right foot, though. The steroids had taken all my muscle mass so it was very hard to get up and sit down.
They asked if I wanted to stay another day. Jeff and I looked at each other and said HELL NO. We were discharged, and I got to go home. I was still on steroids and we all know how I feel about them. After gaining 15+ lbs and not sleeping for weeks, I finally got off of them and started looking forward to recovering.
Unfortunately, the function of my hand has not come back yet and the mobility of my right leg is very ‘robotic’. When I realized I didn’t gain back function of my right hand it felt like I lost everything - being able to hold my toothbrush, a hair dryer, do my own makeup, wash my own hair, text, eat and cut food, colour. Just using both hands to carry things is something I took for granted. It’s an unimaginable loss and I am still struggling with trying to move on with this new quality of life. My mobility has made me fall so I am shaky on steps and especially ice. I feel like this is the first time I have to really rely on others and that doesn’t feel good. Being “disabled” doesn’t feel good. I have spent a lot of money on physio but so far it’s not working.
My pathology from my craniotomy came back as mostly necrosis (dead tumour) but also some new tumour growing back - which is why we removed it, in case this were to happen! I had an MRI this last Saturday on my brain, and although I am pretty confident those results will be fine, there is always some anxiety that comes with a scan.
In January, I had a permanent option of a clip being put in to hold my vocal chords together. They put it in through my throat so I have another scar to add to my repertoire! Although not perfect, I am a lot louder and less raspy. They don’t ask me to speak up at Sephora so I’m basically happy.
Mentally, this has been a very long winter. Without driving, I feel isolated and there are days when I stay in bed until 4PM. I keep waiting for the sunshine because I know that will help. I think this will be what my next post is about.
We booked a trip down to Nicaragua with some friends so with this scan (provided it looks good), we leave on April 22nd! I also got floor tickets to Justin Timberlake in April so it’s shaping up to be a good month.
I definitely missed a ton, but for now this is long enough! If you have any questions or wanna chat - e-mail or Facebook me as always!!
xx
Sam
